<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Looking Out by aban_ataashi</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903100">Looking Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aban_ataashi/pseuds/aban_ataashi'>aban_ataashi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lion Hearted (Rudi's Story) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pillars of Eternity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friendship, Gen, Prompt Fill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:00:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,508</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aban_ataashi/pseuds/aban_ataashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I’ve always been able to take care of myself. But what am I supposed to do when I can’t even trust my own mind?”</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It’s a big question, that’s for sure. And yet to Edér, the answer is immediate and obvious.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>“You trust us, of course.”<i></i></i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lion Hearted (Rudi's Story) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550878</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Looking Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/RisuAlto/gifts">RisuAlto</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Edér first wakes up and realizes Rudi is gone, he isn’t too worried. Over the course of their travels, he’s learned that she’s got a habit of up and wandering off whenever she can’t sleep. He himself is usually the first one of their little group to rise in the morning- an old habit from years of farmwork that still hasn’t died off- and it’s no strange thing for her to come waltzing back into camp just as he’s relighting the fire, brandishing a rabbit or two for breakfast. So rather than wonder where she’s gone, Edér simply follows their routine and waits for her to return.</p><p>When the sun has crept up above the horizon and the others are beginning to stir awake, Edér <em>does </em>begin to get a bit concerned. The woods along the river pass aren’t especially thick, and Rudi is more than able to handle any stray bandits or wandering beasts… but still, with her luck it’s hard to tell what she might encounter. Best to check in on her, Edér decides, even if she makes fun of his hovering later on.</p><p>It doesn’t take long to find her- she didn’t bother to cover her tracks, and it’s hard to miss the lion footprints leading down dirt path. The first moment Edér catches sight of her, he thinks that maybe she actually fell asleep after all. She’s nestled on the ground, back against a tree, knees curled up to her chest so she can rest her chin on them. Sol is curled up at her feet, his tail flicking lazily through the leaves that cover the ground.</p><p>Then his foot comes down on a twig with a sharp <em>snap, </em>and Rudi’s head shoots up. Sol is on his feet at once, teeth bared and every hair in his mane standing on end.</p><p>“Whoa there, buddy,” Edér says, holding up his hands and giving the big cat a grin. “It’s just me.”</p><p>The lion only snarls in response, not relaxing until Rudi lays a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Sol.” She stands, stretching out her arms as she does, and turns to give Edér a weak smile. “Checking up on me now? Sorry, I guess I lost track of time out here.”</p><p>Her tone is casual and unworried, but it doesn’t match up to her appearance. She just looks so damn <em>tired- </em>bags under her eyes, unsteady on her feet, and a half-hearted grin that just doesn’t quite do the job. “Now, I know it ain’t polite to comments on a lady’s appearance,” Edér says, keeping his tone light, “But did you get a wink of sleep last night?”</p><p>He’s hoping to draw a laugh out of her- and normally he might have- but today Rudi’s mood instantly shifts, her eyes narrowing and her mouth setting into a hard line. It’s the same look she gets when she’s deciding whether to shoot something or not, and if she weren’t looking too exhausted to aim straight Edér might consider hiding behind a tree. Eventually she settles for crossing her arms and fixing Edér with a stern look. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need sleep. I <em>need </em>to hunt down Thaos before…”</p><p>She stops and looks away, blinking hard and lifting a hand to her temple. The moment passes quickly, and then she’s pushing past Edér with a scowl. “Let’s just get going.”</p><p>“Whoa, there,” Edér says, putting a hand on her shoulder as she passes. “You sure you’re good?”</p><p>“I’m <em>fine,” </em>she insists, pulling away.</p><p>“Right. You’re actin’ exactly a person who’s fine.”</p><p>Rudi turns her glare on him again, to which Edér only raises an eyebrow. And then the fight goes out of her, just as suddenly as it came, and her shoulders slump as she lets out a heavy sigh. “Fine, yes, I got some sleep. For all the good it did.”</p><p> “What does that mean?”</p><p>“I had…dreams.” Rudi looks down and kicks at the dirt. “Memories, I guess, I don’t know. And then I woke up and I didn’t even know where I was, I just kept thinking I had to find…someone. Like it was the most important thing in the world that I find her right away.”</p><p><em>Watcher stuff, </em>Edér thinks, worry sinking into his stomach. He knows Rudi’s been having nightmares and visions and a whole mess of strange stuff. But he’s been hoping it’s the sort of the thing to get better with time, not worse. “Who were looking for?”</p><p>Rudi shrugs, but her eyes flicker upward, and for a moment they flash as Rudi stares at something that isn’t there. “Iovara.” She speaks the name heavily, as if each syllable carries an unfathomable weight.</p><p>Rudi goes silent then, until Edér finally has to ask, “Who’s that?”</p><p>The questions breaks her from her reverie, and she scowls and throws her hands into the air. “I don’t <em>know!!”  </em>she exclaims, turning to pace in a circle. “I just had to find her, and I started moving- with no idea where I was or why I was here- and then Sol came up to me and for a split second I was <em>scared. </em>Of <em>Sol. </em>Like I didn’t even know who he was.”</p><p>Her voice gets thick, and she stops to take a breath, sinking once again to the ground with her back against the tree. Sol watches her with concern, and approaches to nuzzle against her shoulder. A small, sad smile creeps onto her face as she runs a hand through his mane.</p><p>As Edér watches the two of them, it occurs to him that he’s never actually seen them separated. Sol sleeps at Rudi’s bedside, shares her meals, even sit next to her in the receiving hall at Caed Nua. For Rudi to not even recognize him, even for a second…he can’t imagine it.</p><p>And apparently she can’t, either.</p><p>Eventually, Rudi recovers herself enough to continue. “After that,  I guess I just…woke up. I remembered who I was, and the other memories went away but I…gods, Edér, I couldn’t go to sleep again. I couldn’t risk going away like that.” She closes her eyes, her hands trembling as they continue to stroke Sol’s mane. “I’ve always been able to take care of myself. But what am I supposed to do when I can’t even trust my own mind?”</p><p>It’s a big question, that’s for sure. And yet to Edér, the answer is immediate and obvious.</p><p>“You trust us, of course.”</p><p>Whatever Rudi is expecting, apparently that isn’t it. She blinks, looking up at Edér in silence, and he takes advantage of her surprise to continue. “Hey, I know you haven’t really known us all that long. But you know we’re your friends, right?” He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, maybe not Durance. I wouldn’t put much trust in him. But me and Sagani and everyone else- we got your back.”</p><p>He bends over and holds his hand out to Rudi. “We’re gonna look out for you, and we’re gonna find this Leaden Key guy, and we’re gonna put you right as rain again. So don’t worry too much about bad dreams and memories and such.”</p><p>Rudi hesitates, watching Edér with unveiled skepticism. “And if I forget again?”</p><p>He shrugs. “Bucket of cold water. It’s a cure-all, and I bet anything it’ll wake you right back up.”</p><p>Rudi regards him for a moment, then snorts as she takes his hand, letting him pull her up. When she’s on her feet again, she shakes her head and punches him in the arm. “That’s your first instinct? <em>Really?</em>”</p><p>“It’s an incentive, too,” Edér answers with a grin. “Keeps you on your toes.”</p><p>“Ass,” she says, but she’s laughing, and the tensions seems to have left her shoulders. She still looks exhausted, and maybe still a little worried…but she also looks much more like the Rudi Edér knows so well.</p><p>“Alright, let’s get back. For real this time.” She starts walking in the directions of the camp, rubbing your back and groaning as she goes. “Gods, I’m too old to be staying up all night. And we’ve got a long day ahead of us.”</p><p>Edér grins, falling into step beside her. “Bet you could convince Maneha to carry you for a while.”</p><p>“Oh, I like the sound of that. First good idea you’ve had all day.” She continues like that, talking and making jokes as they approach the campsite, Sol padding quietly at her side. Just before they arrive in sight of the others, however, she pauses and glances at Edér from the corner of her eye.</p><p>“Thanks, by the way,” she says hurriedly, as if embarrassed by the words. “I do trust you, you know. I haven’t had someone like that for a long time, but…you’re a good friend.”</p><p>Edér nods- of course he knows. ‘Cause Rudi’s his friend, too- probably the best one he’s had since his brother- and looking out for each other is just what friends do.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>